nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
