Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
