I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
