Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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