I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude