I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E