I cockslap morals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.