Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.