OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."