I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?