Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..