I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
