He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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