It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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