I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You are a genius and a whore.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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