when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
