Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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