I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
