just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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