I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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