Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How external is "for external use only"?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
