I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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