Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
