proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?