Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.