dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something