glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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