Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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