dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
