The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we made out on top of his cat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
