I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
