i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
