A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
