When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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