just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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