just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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