For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
