The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
