the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
