Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
