im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
