Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
