i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
