If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
