This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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