The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
