I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????