All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
