Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
