I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
