I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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