I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
