Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
