She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
