Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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