Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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