Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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