its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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