it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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