I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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