We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
