He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
