Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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