we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie