He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?