You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.