I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.