Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss