Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex