I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
